


A letter to me

by TheLittleMarchHare (freckleder)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 22:04:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1363375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckleder/pseuds/TheLittleMarchHare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the titans were defeated the humans started to rebuild their city, the economy started to grow and technology became more and more advanced. The members of the 104th Trainees Squad grew older and when Jean goes to the hospital to get a complete check-up done it is discovered that his brain cells show every indication that he was going to suffer from alzheimers when he was going to get older. Therefore he decided to write a letter to his future self.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A letter to me

Hey Jean,

this is probably gonna sound confusing but I have to write this letter before my brain turns into soup. This is Jean from the past, I’m not sure if you remember me but you were once me. If you are reading this letter then I assume the worst case scenario has occurred and I hope it never gets this far but I’m writing it just to be save.

I don’t know how much you can still recall but I have to tell you about a lot of things. This is about one of the most important, no, scratch that, about _the_ most important person that I have ever had the luck of meeting. I hope the name Marco Bodt rings a bell, and if it doesn’t then please, please continue reading, I swear to god you have to. I don’t even know how to express all that I want to say. Let’s start with the appearance before I get to the personal parts, so you get a picture about whom I’m even talking.

Marco was slightly taller than you, he sometimes made fun of it but only in a joking way. He had the most gorgeous face you’ve ever seen and I’d draw you a picture here if I could actually do it justice. Or if I could draw at all. Marco’s hair was a dark, vibrant brown, you always loved how fuzzy it was and you used to bury your face in it when you were sleeping. And remember his freckles, his cute freckles that spread all over his face in summer and still stayed there in winter, only fading out a little bit. Or how astonished you were when you discovered that some of them formed the big dipper on his back and how he desperately tried to turn his head around so he could see it too. He had brown eyes, they were warm and always full of life. He had a smile that could melt your heart, it was so genuine and full of happiness that I fail to describe it. Sometimes I can hear his soft voice in my dreams and his laughter still rings in my ears. Are you able to remember his voice? If you concentrate maybe you can even feel his broad shoulders and how nice they felt in your hands, how perfectly they fitted together. Can you still recall how it felt to kiss him, to wrap your arms around him and forget all the terrible things that were happening at that time? It must feel weird, trying so desperately to forget what was happening in the cruel world you used to live in and now, as much as you want to, you can’t force the memories to come back to you.

In the worst times of your life he was there for you, encouraging you. Marco didn’t sugar-coat things, he told you that you weren’t as strong as others, and even though you’d have never admitted it on your own, you knew he was right. He was an honest and upright person, seeing the good parts in everyone he came across and finding their strength. Marco had been the closest person you ever had in your life, he knew everything about you and you knew all about him. You didn’t have to speak every thought out loud, Marco got you even without words. I know this sounds weird but he just got you, I don’t know how to explain it.

When you were at the verge of going crazy, dying from fear, he was there for you and managed to calm you down which saved your life in that situation back then. He told you that you had it in you, even when you didn’t believe it yourself and he was the reason that you lived your life to the fullest. He was the gentlest, softest yet strongest, toughest person you have ever met.

Now here is the most important part. Maybe you are asking yourself why he isn’t here to tell all that by himself. Do you remember the times when titans still existed and tried to extinguish the human race? We fought for our lives and those of others. It was a horrible time, brutal and terrible, many died. Marco was also under the brave soldiers that passed away back then. Without him no one of us would be here, he held our group together, helped everyone to stay calm and survive. He sacrificed himself for all of us. I found him, you know? I mean I identified him, half of his body was gone and there was blood everywhere. It still haunts me in my dreams. It was something I tried to forget because it was so horrible that I couldn’t think, my mind was clouded with pain and loss. Even now it hits me, makes me unable to breath and leaves me with this suffocating feeling and I don’t know how to make it stop.

But I realized that the only thing that is worse than this constant feeling of loss and loneliness is the thought of forgetting him. I can’t live with the idea of him fading away and disappearing, without anyone to remember him. This is why you have to read this letter over and over again, you have to remember and if it’s the last thing you do. God, I can’t stand it. I can’t stand it! Don’t forget him, for god’s sake I won’t allow it. You have to hold these memories close, never let them slip away or they will be gone forever. This had such a major impact on your life, I don’t know what is going to become of you when this part is gone. You can’t let go of him, of your memories. Grab them and store them forever and if that doesn’t work then think, think and try to remember until you manage to get a hold of them. It’s gonna be worth it, this is what made you the person you have become. So please, please, please, don’t do this to me, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t forget him, whatever you do. Stay strong and always remember what he taught you.

-Jean

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this all made sense to you, it sounded more logical when I came up with it, I swear. Anyways, I came up with this idea while I was sitting in the bus and almost made myself cry. I hope you enjoyed it and I was listening to the song Oblivion by Bastille while writing this. 
> 
> I also apologize for any mistakes I made, english is not my first language so please feel free to point it out if I made any errors. That's all I've got to say, thank you so much for reading this, and have a nice day or night :)


End file.
